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Day of firsts…

[ 0 ] October 9, 2009 | admin

Evil plotting...

After arriving at the only dowdy house that our joint finances could actually stretch to, I finally got a chance to speak to my housemate to be. Her name is Renna and I found her perfectly alluring.   There is something mesmerising about her round eyes and penchant for green that reached parts other people don’t usually get to.

Before we met, I was originally planning to tolerate her for a few days and then dispose of her body somewhere swampy, however as soon as we started to converse, something odd happened.  I actually took to her.

She is stunning to look at and rather than talk about mundane things such as the weather and fluffy animals, she began to confide in me her ideas for an evil plot!  Love at first sight!

We immediately hunched over together and began masterminding some suitably diabolical plans for town and eventually world domination and by the end, my blackened heat was fluttering.  Her bottle green eyes and blonde plaits in no way helped sway my plans for her immediate termination; nor did her incessant flirting.  Well perhaps a little.

Renna describing how to incapacitate someone. True love.

I confided in her about Grandmamma’s sad and thankfully timely demise and she agreed that the inheritance was best spent on a suitably evil abode, even if it meant hardship in the present.  She pooled her inheritance with mine (her parents died on a recent ski trip – log cabins are extremely flammable – or at least, so Renna assures me), so construction has been given a boost.

Hate when someone is as good at making malicious remarks as I am

She also hit on the idea of a viewing balcony over the death pit accident pit and a concealed room at the top of the house with a telescope for keeping tabs on the neighbours and anyone using the footpath (which rather annoyingly runs along the back of the pool house).

Though she isn’t a genius like me, (who is?), she was evil, unpleasant, and devilishly charming with a sadistic creativity and  sharp mind.  (Her even sharper knives were sadly confiscated at the airport).

She did annoy me over some trivia regarding human reactions during immolation to the point where we had a row and I have not forgotten her yelling at the top of her voice that I probably have webbed feet as a result of inbreeding.

She shall suffer.  She snorted at this wavering statement, especially as I had mistakenly confessed that my ornamental flogger is at the leathersmith being repaired.  With a triumphant smirk, she cracked open her duffle bag and showed off a collection of implements that made my spine go to jelly and the rest of me stiffen like congealed blood…I regret now insinuating that she was the offspring of a whore and a herd during our brief row, especially if the gleam in her evil eyes is to be taken seriously.  I don’t think hers are for decoration.  I think I definitely am in love.

This may just work out after all...

Even stronger than she looks

We kiss, fondle, and foreplay with bitching gossip about the neighbours that we passed on the way here and couldn’t barge the door down quick enough to get to the bedroom.

We were barely on the bed for two minutes when she pounced…I never had time to finish my saucy remark about a plutonium rod and a sex half-life.

A fine and very raucous first night took our minds off the awful decor and am now officially exhausted.  Want cookies.  And salve for my punished parts.

If that rancid Big Brother program had housemates like this, they wouldn’t have hauled it off the air.  The future is looking decidedly evil and I like it.  I like it a lot.

Timeless first kiss pic

Category: Diaries

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