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And so it begins…

[ 0 ] September 19, 2009 | admin

...this is it, is it?

Well.  This is it, is it?  Hmm?  After hours of tugging, tweaking, and generally obscene prodding THIS is the best that my cack-handed Creatorix could come up with?  My eyes…well, they are fetchingly evil, I give her that and my chin is suitably strong without being of ‘modern Threepwood-esque’ proportions.  But the nose…really?  Attacked by a pencil sharpener was I, woman?  No…no, no, don’t do anything fucking awful to me, I take it back.  Grudgingly.

At least my clothes are suitably evil in a casual sort of way.  More ‘evil-lite’ which is fine for lulling co-workers into both a false sense of security and a death room, so they will just have to do until something more expensive looking arrives in the paltry shop.  The exercise gear is at least a saving grace…something had to have skulls on it.

Attempts at evil eyeliner failed miserably and the choice of beards on offer make me look like a rapist, so they are right out.  The little goatee chin nugget thing is intriguing but I think my face is far fairer without it…evil doesn’t always have to mean facial hair…this is the 21st century after all.  Still, it is worth considering at a later date perhaps, when I am slightly more established.  As for the rest of the make-up, don’t even think about it…oh yes, how achingly hilarious.  Fuck’s sake get on with it woman, stop faffing with me…

Hair looks fine, little roguish, but not a problem – there is no reason I can’t be handsome and evil.  Ah, the obligatory swimwear ‘package shot’…shame that there was no phallus tweaker since I feel rather short changed in that department, but I fear this will have to do.  Even the Creatorix is limited by ‘others’ in regard to her powers, much to her (satisfyingly twisted) chagrin so I shall have to make up for any phallic size/shape control by being twice a prick personality wise.  Still, at least I have some general muscle tone to speak of…I’ll need it if I’m to be hauling ladders out of neighbouring pools and leaving people to drown.

The toying and general messing about now being finally over, perhaps we can get on with it.  A little brush up and I shall be ready for my ‘family snap’.  Here we go…arch evil eyebrow, sneer to the left and…oh for fuck’s sake woman, what now?  Just get on with it will you, I have worlds to take over….what the hell do you mean ‘adding another member’?  I refuse to share my home-to-be with some tiresome hypochondriac or gardening dullard.  I shall simply destroy them, mark my…I…oh, hell’s hole, it’s a girl.  I…well…I don’t care, I refuse to have the bathroom cluttered up with mysterious potions unless they are ingredients for some sort of thermo nuclear device and…ohhh, plaits…blonde plaits…very nice.  Maybe this could be the start of a beautiful evil partnership.  As long as she flosses.

Well, despite being stood next to my housemate-to-be for our ‘family snap’ earlier and enduring being practically raped by her eyes, (though they were a delicious green), we don’t get properly introduced until we arrive at whatever flea-ridden shack that will no doubt serve as our first home.  I hope that I will have the space to construct a dungeon of sorts…or at least somewhere to dispose of anyone who irritates me.  On second thoughts, I had better make that a very big dungeon…

Category: Diaries

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